this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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