i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
