Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize