I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
