I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
