I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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