she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
