You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
