I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
