I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
