I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
