You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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