I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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