i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
