She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
