Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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