my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your penis caused this!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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