first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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