you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
