90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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