she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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