I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
