Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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