Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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