wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
