Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
