I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
