some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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