Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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