Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
