I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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