i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
