Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
honey bunches of taint.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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