I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So vagazzling was a success
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
