And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
