There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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