Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
