I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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