ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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