I wish I only lived at night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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