evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
