I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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