I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
