You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize