i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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