Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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