You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
