nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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