The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
