dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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