It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
