dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
