the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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