can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
