Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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