It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
