it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
