Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
