I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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