The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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