Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
