Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
