The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
