it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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