i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
