I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
