3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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