We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
