gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
