i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm always down for nudity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
