He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
