That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
